July is here with a vengeance! Temperatures have been in the upper 90's for days! It should break tonight, with a storm that's on the way in.
Joseph died almost four weeks ago. If the grief is getting any easier, it's a minimal change. It's still unbelievable.
My mom made this sample probably 30-40 years ago. It hung first in her living room, then in her bedroom. I've offered it to Donna, because it's the prayer they used on Joseph's funeral card. She's accepted, and I'll give it to her when I see her.
We were at the point of needing to either upgrade to Windows10 or change to Apple, and Ralph left the decision to me. We went to the Apple store to look at them. Once I looked at it as a bigger version of my iPad and phone, I said go for it. The monitor is huge! I've had to get him to help me with a few functions, but on the whole I'm comfortable with it.
I made yogurt in the instant pot! Heather texted me a picture of the ingredients. Whisk them all together, press the yogurt button, and leave it alone for 8 hours! Then put the inner pot in the fridge overnight, and you have yogurt! One batch lasted us almost two weeks! It was so good!
Last month I finished this afghan. It was from a kit, and called Pacific Harbor throw. Ralph asked who it was for. I put it over a chair, and told him I was sure it'd be claimed. The next day Heather and Eddie and Julie came up. Eddie sat down and wrapped it around himself and said he loved it. So of course it went home with him!
Last night I reread the blogs from my first year blogging. I'd forgotten that I used to write a few things that make me happy in each blog. So here goes:
Things that make me happy:
Going to lunch with Ralph
A good book- I just finished Under Currents by Nora Roberts, from the library
Crocheting
Grief is hard. It hits at random times. It's not linear. It never goes away, although it kind of blurs at the edges, eventually. It causes some to stress eat, some to not be able to eat. It causes some to sleep to escape it, and causes some to not be able to sleep because of it.
Ralph and I have lost a lot of people. Between us, four parents, seven grandparents, lots of uncles and aunts. Friends, and children of friends. Many furry loves.
But Joseph's death has hit us the hardest of all. Other deaths have been unexpected, but somewhat predictable due to the person's age or health issues.
Joseph's death was a horrible accident. None of us could have predicted it, and I don't think any of us are beating themselves up for not predicting it. You can't predict an accident.
I think it's hit us so hard because he was so young, just 32. He should have had the opportunity to grow to be an old man, to see Joey grow up, to be a grandfather. To always have "things to do" like my late dad did. And he won't have that opportunity.
Our hearts are also broken because Joey is only 6, and 6 year old don't have a lot of memories to sustain them. He will remember Joseph more by stories and pictures than by memories. His memories will fade, and he'll only have snapshots in his mind to remember his dad.
Our hearts are broken for Michael and Jacob and Britt. Joe was 14 when Jake was born, and he was so thrilled to be a big brother. Britt and Joseph were Jake's godparents, a responsibility they embraced.
Grief can't be rushed. It has to be dealt with minute by minute, day by day, year by year. Eventually you go an entire hour without thinking of the person, and then an entire day. But then a memory hits, something reminds you of the person, and it's fresh again.
Joseph was cremated, and his ashes buried with my mom's, next to my dad. The cemetery they are in is about two miles from us, and I pass it a few times a week. My grandparents are also there. Every time I pass, I salute my Dad and Pop, both proud Navy veterans. I blow a kiss to Mom and MomMom. Now I've added a gesture for Joseph. I put my hand to my heart. And I never pass that cemetery that I don't choke up. I had stopped crying when I pass it, but with Joseph's death I'm back to crying every time.
Emphasizing with the grief of others is also heartbreaking. Every time I think of Joseph I think of the pain Mike and Donna are going thru, the pain that should never have been. Parents should not have to bury their children.
And if this doesn't make a lot of sense, so be it. It was more stream of conscious than anything. And I'm writing it thru tears. We'll all be ok, eventually. Just not yet.
On June 26 our nephew Joseph Oehrl, named for my late dad, died.
It was a terrible, accidental death that left us all stunned and heartbroken. A death that leaves our 6 year old great nephew Joey without a dad.
For the first time, I'm glad that my mom is dead, because this would have killed her. All Joe's other grandmother could do was cry, for days and days. No one should have to bury a grandchild.
We have so many wonderful memories of this sweet, kind, bright young man. He wasn't a daily part of our lives, and we'd go months without talking to him, but we knew he was there. And now he's not. And as hard as it's hit us, it must be a thousand times worse for my brother and sister in law. I can't even imagine.
When Joseph was about 14, I took a new dessert to Thanksgiving. While we were at the table, he asked who made that dessert, and I told him I'd made it, my first trifle. He said it was the best thing ever, and I had to make it for him every time I came to their house. I named it Joseph's Trifle, and made it every year thereafter. Everyone knew any leftover trifle was not to be touched except by him. Now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it again.
Mike and Donna had Joseph cremated, and his ashes buried with my mom's, and next to my Dad's grave, across from my grandparents. It's perfect.
There were over 500 people at Joseph's viewing, the most that funeral home has ever seen. His brother Michael started his eulogy with, "Joe was a pain in my ass." Several people spoke, and we laughed and cried at the same time. The consensus was that Joseph drove us all crazy, and we all loved him.
Life will go on, as it does. Amanda and Amary, and Steph and Dan flew out the morning after the funeral. John left for the long drive back to Florida after the luncheon. And now we all have to go thru life without the light that was Joseph.
The temp is low 70's, the humidity high 80's! AC on so we can breathe.
I wanted to send Amary a stuffie with a cast, but couldn't find any I liked. Stuffed meerkat, however, is adorable!
So I sent her a get well meerkat, and one for Garrett! And two books about meerkats.
The meerkats are a hit! Manda said the kids and meerkats have been inseparable, and the books have been read several times.
And when Amary got her cast yesterday, meerkat also got a cast! And Amary told everyone that her grammy sent her the meerkat! Some days I'm such a success at this long distance grammy thing!
Tina screamed at Ralph til he did his duty and provided her with a lap to cuddle on!
6 days til our Alaska cruise! Rapid Rover is booked, house and cat sitting is taken care of, and the Do Not Forget list is in place.
Wow, mid June already! We've never made a big deal out of either Mother's or Father's Day, they are such Hallmark Holidays. And my dad was never impressed by it, so no big.
Yesterday was Julianna's 7th dance recital! She started in kindergarten and she has grown and progressed so much! She was in 5 numbers! Of course we took her flowers.
We both desperately needed haircuts, so off we went to Great Clips.
Amary fell from a piece of school playground equipment and fractured her wrist! It's splinted now, cast to go on early this week for 4 weeks. Poor kid.
Steph's office assistant, hard at work!
It's an early morning visitor, up from the woods!
I finished the sky afghan from the crochet crowd. It was supposed to be a 3 month afghan, but I wanted it longer. And the wall hanging was made years ago, but I finally got Ralph to hang it for me. My first attempt at applique, it was from a class. The class project called for a train in the front yard, but I changed it to a lake and boat. I'm happy with it.
We've had a gorgeous week weather wise, but the humidity is creeping back up today. Summer in jersey.
I didn't realize that it had been so long since I posted here! We had our 47th wedding anniversary on May 27! How can so many years go by so quickly? We celebrated by having a glass of wine with our dinner.
I finished this baby afghan. I'm not thrilled with it. It was a kit, and was two rows of double crochet, followed by two rows of single crochet. The directions didn't have it turn after each row of dc, and it's a little wonky. The yarn had metallic thread woven around it, and it was the devil's pubes to work with! The hook would split the yarn, and get caught.
We had lunch at Olive Garden one day. I always fill up on salad, and bring most of the entree home. The meatball pizza bowl got me 3 meals!
We got our sweet Sly's ashes back, and he now resides on the mantle. I'm finally not always looking for him when I enter a room.
A 4th cousin on my paternal grandmother's side found me on ancestry! She has intro'd me to other 4th cousins, and they've sent me a bunch of pix of relatives! This was my Pop's brother in law and his nephews! Turns out my Pop's sister also married a Carson, so I'm a double Carson! The man in the pic has a strong resemblance to my dad, which is so cool. I also found out from them that my grandmother worked in a post office in Ireland before coming over, and her sister was a tailoress!
And she sent me a copy of my grandmother's birth record! It's so amazing!
Yesterday was Manda's birthday! I'm not sure how she got to be 38, that seems awfully old, LOL. Today we're going to our usual Sunday lunch with Frank and Charlotte. The AC has been on and off, and today it's nice out, so the windows are open.
And such is life!
Last month our sweet Sly was diagnosed with probable bladder cancer, as he had a mass. He was given shots of steriods and antibiotics and an oral NSAID. We understood it was only a matter of time, and a quality of life issue. He was 16, and we'd had him and his sister Tina for 6 years.
He was better, and then last weekend he wasn't. He was obviously uncomfortable, and having issues with his urine. He was sleeping, when he wasn't pacing. He looked at me, and I knew he'd had enough. He looked unkempt, the way cats do when they aren't grooming themselves. Sunday night I promised my sweet boo that I'd take care of him, and make it better.
Monday we went to the vet. They gave him a shot of sedation, and I held him while he drifted away, then they gave him the final shot. His last awareness was of me holding him. What more can anyone ask?
It was an easy decision. I'd made the same decision for my grandmother and my dad. I'm at peace with all the decisions. It's just so damn hard, and we're so damn sad. Tina has been looking for him, and every time I go into a room I automatically look for my boo.
One friend asked how I could stay with him. I countered, how could I not? It wasn't about me, it was about Sly. I promised him he wouldn't be in pain, or afraid, and I lived up to my promise, which is some comfort.
Damn, I miss my boo.
