Five Weeks

We miss you, Joseph. Rest in Peace.

Long ago and far away part 2

So we boarded the Coral Princess on Wednesday, June 26. We had lunch in the Horizon buffet, booked spots in the Sanctuary for the Glacier Bay day. Unpacked, had a nice dinner in the main dining room, where we met the people who would be our tablemates. Because Ralph hates to fly, we had booked a back to back cruise. Vancouver to Whittier, and Whittier to Vancouver.

Cool view of Vancouver from our balcony. After dinner we wandered for a bit, then went back to the room.

Ralph had ordered the internet package, so he decided to make sure it was working, since we were at sea by then. And the world collapsed. We had a text from Heather to call her ASAP. And a text from my brother Mike. It said "Joe passed away today we are not sure how we are handling the arrangements, I will talk to you about it."

We texted our girls on the group text. At that point, we didn't even know if you could legally leave a cruise during the cruise. The next day was a sea day, so we had no cell service. I thought about it, and decided we had to try to get home. I had texted Mike to tell him that I didn't know what we could do, and he replied to not change our plans. Yeah, cause crying thru Alaska would be so much fun. And we were four time zones behind the east coast!

So Thursday afternoon, while still at sea, we went to the purser's desk to see what we could do. They said we could leave during the cruise, but since we'd book through a travel agent, they could not help with flight. They have us a code to dial so we could call and leave the TA a message, which we did.

It was formal night, so we dressed up a bit and went to dinner. The TA had told Princess that we had an anniversary, as did 3 of the other couples. So they gave us a special dessert, and the maitre d' sang to us! After dinner we went to the show, Silk Road, which was interesting. It had a lot of puppets in it, which had been created by Jim Henson's group. It was fun. 

Friday morning we were up early, and as soon as we got cell service, about 6 am Alaska time, I called the TA. She was just listening to my message, and was shocked. Of course I had travel insurance. She said to give her an hour, after we established that Ralph would fly with me, and we wanted to leave from Juneau the next day. She got us flights via Alaska Airlines, and we notified the purser's desk. They said to be at the desk at 11.30 am on Saturday, and the dock agent would escort us off the ship, and drive us to US Customs in Juneau. By that point it was lunchtime, and we'd notified the girls that we were coming home. I'd talked to John and cried on the phone with him, and talked to Mike and cried on the phone with him. We had no desire to go into Ketchikan, so we had lunch on the ship. Later, we went to afternoon tea, which was fun. The TA had given us a dinner in a specialty restaurant, and that was scheduled for that night. 

I even had a drink! An Alaskan mudslide!

To be continued.

Long ago and far away

Last year Ralph and I booked an Alaskan cruise, on the Coral Princess. It was a back to back cruise, June 26 to July 10. See where this is going?

Ralph went out on the train. I left June 25, and flew to Vancouver via SeaTac. We stayed the night at the Westin Bayshore, all booked via our travel agent.

The view from our hotel room.

Our hotel room, and the view from the hotel restaurant.
We choose to eat inside, and look outside.

The price is in Canadian dollar, but still! There was a breakfast buffet, but that was over $35 each!

We were transported to Canada Place the morning of June 26, and were boarded the Coral by noon. The rooms were ready. I found the room to be smaller than Royal Caribbean rooms, and the shower was tiny! The balcony was nice. When we were on Anthem, two levels below our balcony was an extending deck where people could sit. This balcony didn't have anything under it but another balcony, and we didn't feel as secure. We knew it was all in our heads, but still.

I'll continue in the next installment.

Four weeks

It's been four weeks.

Talking to family members, we are not ok. It's the worst thing we've ever been thru. I don't anticipate any of us being ok for a long time.

Rest in Peace Joseph. We love you.

Hot hot hot

July is here with a vengeance! Temperatures have been in the upper 90's for days! It should break tonight, with a storm that's on the way in.

Joseph died almost four weeks ago. If the grief is getting any easier, it's a minimal change. It's still unbelievable. 

My mom made this sample probably 30-40 years ago. It hung first in her living room, then in her bedroom. I've offered it to Donna, because it's the prayer they used on Joseph's funeral card. She's accepted, and I'll give it to her when I see her. 

We were at the point of needing to either upgrade to Windows10 or change to Apple, and Ralph left the decision to me. We went to the Apple store to look at them. Once I looked at it as a bigger version of my iPad and phone, I said go for it. The monitor is huge! I've had to get him to help me with a few functions, but on the whole I'm comfortable with it.

I made yogurt in the instant pot! Heather texted me a picture of the ingredients. Whisk them all together, press the yogurt button, and leave it alone for 8 hours! Then put the inner pot in the fridge overnight, and you have yogurt! One batch lasted us almost two weeks! It was so good!

Last month I finished this afghan. It was from a kit, and called Pacific Harbor throw. Ralph asked who it was for. I put it over a chair, and told him I was sure it'd be claimed. The next day Heather and Eddie and Julie came up. Eddie sat down and wrapped it around himself and said he loved it. So of course it went home with him! 

Last night I reread the blogs from my first year blogging. I'd forgotten that I used to write a few things that make me happy in each blog. So here goes:

Things that make me happy:
Going to lunch with Ralph
A good book- I just finished Under Currents by Nora Roberts, from the library
Crocheting

Grief

Grief is hard. It hits at random times. It's not linear. It never goes away, although it kind of blurs at the edges, eventually. It causes some to stress eat, some to not be able to eat. It causes some to sleep to escape it, and causes some to not be able to sleep because of it. 

Ralph and I have lost a lot of people. Between us, four parents, seven grandparents, lots of uncles and aunts. Friends, and children of friends. Many furry loves. 

But Joseph's death has hit us the hardest of all. Other deaths have been unexpected, but somewhat predictable due to the person's age or health issues. 

Joseph's death was a horrible accident. None of us could have predicted it, and I don't think any of us are beating themselves up for not predicting it. You can't predict an accident. 

I think it's hit us so hard because he was so young, just 32. He should have had the opportunity to grow to be an old man, to see Joey grow up, to be a grandfather. To always have "things to do" like my late dad did. And he won't have that opportunity.

Our hearts are also broken because Joey is only 6, and 6 year old don't have a lot of memories to sustain them. He will remember Joseph more by stories and pictures than by memories. His memories will fade, and he'll only have snapshots in his mind to remember his dad. 

Our hearts are broken for Michael and Jacob and Britt. Joe was 14 when Jake was born, and he was so thrilled to be a big brother. Britt and Joseph were Jake's godparents, a responsibility they embraced. 

Grief can't be rushed. It has to be dealt with minute by minute, day by day, year by year. Eventually you go an entire hour without thinking of the person, and then an entire day. But then a memory hits, something reminds you of the person, and it's fresh again. 

Joseph was cremated, and his ashes buried with my mom's, next to my dad. The cemetery they are in is about two miles from us, and I pass it a few times a week. My grandparents are also there. Every time I pass, I salute my Dad and Pop, both proud Navy veterans. I blow a kiss to Mom and MomMom. Now I've added a gesture for Joseph. I put my hand to my heart. And I never pass that cemetery that I don't choke up. I had stopped crying when I pass it, but with Joseph's death I'm back to crying every time. 

Emphasizing with the grief of others is also heartbreaking. Every time I think of Joseph I think of the pain Mike and Donna are going thru, the pain that should never have been. Parents should not have to bury their children. 

And if this doesn't make a lot of sense, so be it. It was more stream of conscious than anything. And I'm writing it thru tears. We'll all be ok, eventually. Just not yet.

An awful time

On June 26 our nephew Joseph Oehrl, named for my late dad, died. 

It was a terrible, accidental death that left us all stunned and heartbroken. A death that leaves our 6 year old great nephew Joey without a dad. 

For the first time, I'm glad that my mom is dead, because this would have killed her. All Joe's other grandmother could do was cry, for days and days. No one should have to bury a grandchild. 

We have so many wonderful memories of this sweet, kind, bright young man. He wasn't a daily part of our lives, and we'd go months without talking to him, but we knew he was there. And now he's not. And as hard as it's hit us, it must be a thousand times worse for my brother and sister in law. I can't even imagine. 

When Joseph was about 14, I took a new dessert to Thanksgiving. While we were at the table, he asked who made that dessert, and I told him I'd made it, my first trifle. He said it was the best thing ever, and I had to make it for him every time I came to their house. I named it Joseph's Trifle, and made it every year thereafter. Everyone knew any leftover trifle was not to be touched except by him. Now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it again.

Mike and Donna had Joseph cremated, and his ashes buried with my mom's, and next to my Dad's grave, across from my grandparents. It's perfect. 

There were over 500 people at Joseph's viewing, the most that funeral home has ever seen. His brother Michael started his eulogy with, "Joe was a pain in my ass." Several people spoke, and we laughed and cried at the same time. The consensus was that Joseph drove us all crazy, and we all loved him. 

Life will go on, as it does. Amanda and Amary, and Steph and Dan flew out the morning after the funeral. John left for the long drive back to Florida after the luncheon. And now we all have to go thru life without the light that was Joseph.