The end of the worst year our family has ever had. I'm so happy to see the end of it.
We lost these two, Joseph and Sly, two of my favorites. Both losses were devastating and have taken their toll.
The year was not all horrible. We redid our bedroom and both bathrooms, which was wonderful. We cruised with Steph and Dan, which was wonderful and fun. The whole family was together in August, which was great.
And today is the birthday of one of my favorite people! Heather was born this day 45 years ago! How is that even possible?
And I took up genealogy initially to honor Joseph and place him on my family tree, and it's turned into quite an interest!
So here's hoping (knock wood) that 2020 starts a wonderful decade!
I just have not had the mojo to post. Or to sew. Or to crochet. Or to do counted cross stitch. It will come back eventually.
What I have been doing is reading, and working on genealogy. I'm doing both Ralph's tree and my own. It's fascinating and time consuming.
November 22 was Joseph's 33rd birthday. Mike and Samantha put the balloons on his grave. Mike and Donna hosted a memorial get together on the 23rd at their house. Even though it was only announced a few days before, many people showed up to tell stories about Joe, and enjoy each other's company. Joey wanted a Dallas Cowboys cake, and wanted us all to sing Happy Birthday to his daddy. Donna and I cried thru that one! There was plenty of food, and people came and went, and many stayed most of the day. At the end of the day, we were talking about doing it every year.
A few years ago we had changed the tradition of Thanksgiving dinner at Mike and Donna's. It began with Steph buying a house in Oregon and wanting us there. That led to Donna deciding that she needed a break from the huge gathering. So now they go to Samantha's sister's house, and we vary our location. Two years ago Steph's, last year Manda's, and this year Heather's in laws. I will probably never again make Joseph's Trifle, which he so loved. I'd cry into it.
So we made it thru two firsts without Joseph- his birthday and Thanksgiving.
So October is here, not that you'd know it by the temperatures! It's supposed to be in the 90's today! The forecast for the rest of the week is better, more seasonal.
Typical little sister! Eddie is driving all over the yard now, and is even moving Ed's truck and backing up the trailer!
We're in the final countdown for the Quebec to Boston cruise! The travel agent has our documents from NCL, and I just booked Rapid Rover for our airport drop-off.
I'm so immersed in the genealogy. I just ordered 23andme kits so we can add more data. I go back and forth between Ralph's tree and mine. It's totally fascinating, and at times frustrating.
It's another week that Joseph has been gone, and we just had the two year sad anniversary of Mom's death.
Nothing in the crafting area, I haven't had the urge. I've been reading a lot, and doing the genealogy.
Ralph and Eddie are birthday buddies- Ralph is September 21 and Eddie is September 23. This is a big birthday for Eddie, he's 16 now and can get his driver's permit. Here in jersey you have to be 17 to get a license, but at 16 after passing the written test you can get on the road training, and drive with a licensed driver.
Ralph was planning to get a new truck anyway, and it was the perfect time! The blue truck is an 07 with only 65K miles on it, in terrific shape. It's a safe vehicle for a beginning driver.
It wasn't a surprise, Eddie guessed. But it was still so much fun! He was so excited that he was vibrating!
They were in it, under it, and under the hood!
And of course there was cakes! It was a super day. Whenever Eddie would disappear, we'd look out the window, and he was in his truck. As family and friends arrived, he'd give them a tour of his truck.
It was a fun party. Mike and Donna were there, and Frank and Charlotte, Sharon and Jim and most of their kids, Ed and Jeanne, Christ and Pam, and other friends of Heather and Ed's. Plenty of food, as always. All in all, a lovely way to spend a Saturday.
It's another week since Joseph died.
Are any of us doing well? Absolutely not.
Is it getting any easier? Absolutely not.
Has it changed the way we're living our lives? Absolutely.
We all say "I love you" more often. We hug more often. We're keeping in touch more often.
Someone told me that my brother is not taking this well. Duh. How do you take it well? If you take it well, something is really wrong.
I don't cry every day. I have periods of time where I don't think of Joseph, but I think of him more often now than when he was alive. We just take it for granted that people are there, til they're not.
And next week is another fun anniversary. On the 25th, it will be two years since mom died.
But in the meantime, we have two birthdays! Ralph will be 71 on Saturday the 21st. And Eddie will be 16 on the 23rd. So Heather has invited us all down on the 21st to celebrate. Birthday kid gets to pick the meal, so we're having pizza and pineapple stuffing. I'll pick up a couple of cakes at Sweet Eats. And we'll hang out and enjoy everyone's company. Bonus, Ralph got a new truck, and his old one, a 2007 Ford F150 with low mileage, is being Eddie's birthday gift. He guessed that he's getting it, but doesn't know when. It's a big heavy truck with 4 wheel drive, a terrific first vehicle!
So we will have some fun this week.
Actually most of our weeks are quiet, which is a good thing. We lived thru a lot of noisy years to get to these quiet times.
Joey started first grade, and the family was there to send him off on the bus. Jake and Michael had just gotten home from work, but stayed up to support Joey. I love them all so much!
The kids are all back in school now. Joey and Amary are in first grade, Garrett is in preschool at daycare, Julianna is in grade 7 and our Eddie is a junior!
I had a dental appointment, no good news. I'm losing bone in my jaw, and some teeth are getting loose. It's a watch and see situation.
One month til our Quebec to Boston cruise with Steph and Dan!
I'm deep into the genealogy. It's so fascinating! And so frustrating at the same time. I'm learning so much.
AC is off for the moment, after being on for 3 days.
And so it goes.
Quiet is good! For 26 years I spent Labor Day weekend stressing about the beginning of the new school year. Meetings and more useless meetings! I've been retired 3 years, so this is the 4th first day of school that I don't have to be involved with.
A little light reading! I'm totally hooked on genealogy now. I work on my tree, and on Ralph's tree- I'm better at the fiddly stuff than he is, and he's happy for me to do his tree.
I've hit a couple of roadblocks. My mom's bio dad, I can only go back to his great grandfather, and the trail stops in Ireland. And Ralph's paternal side, I'm having a hard time with, also. I'm not quite at the point of asking for help online, yet.
I've found relatives on Mom's bio dad's side that I was vaguely aware of the existence of some of them. I've made email friends with one in particular, who has hit the same roadblock with Thomas Hackett that I have, and she's been working on her tree for years.
I don't know how people didn't lose their sanity working on genealogy before Ancestry existed. I love following the leaf clues. I've been in contact with distant cousins from Canada, SC, and Ireland! They've helped me out with pix of other generations, and some pix of documents.
A whole bunch of family came from Renfrewshire, Scotland! How cool is that! And we have a branch in central/western PA who were coal miners!
Some of it is heartbreaking. Babies died in large numbers, often of things that are now not as much of an issue. Croup, pertussis, cardiac defects. Adults died in mining accidents, and of TB, then called consumption.
John is fascinated, and always asks what new things I've found. Mike's attitude is "We don't need more damn relatives!" Manda is pretty fascinated, Steph is mildly interested, and Heather is too busy to even look at the tree.
It's a good obsession for me, for now. It keeps me from obsessing about Joe all the time, and I feel like I'm honoring him by putting him in the tree with all the in-laws and outlaws, as my dad would say.
It's now nine weeks since Joe died. Some days I think I have a handle on the grief, then something happens. Last weekend it was an obstacle race that Heather and Eddie ran in. It didn't have a specific theme, but Heather gave it one, for her. I saw the pix of her shirt and cried. Sent them to my brother and he choked up.
Yesterday I was talking to a relative who also lost someone dear to addiction. We were both crying at a couple of points in the conversation.
I am to the point of going whole days without crying, which is good. I can't even imagine the pain that my brother and sister in law are having. My sister in law said she has days that are less worse than others.
We miss you Joseph, and we always will. Rest in peace, you don't have to fight any more. We love you.
We miss you Joseph, every single day. Rest in Peace, we all love you.
We were invaded!
The Briles family arrived early on August 12, Ben and Garrett's birthday. They came in on the redeye. Before they were here 5 minutes, the kids wanted a fort made from dining room chairs and blankets. Of course Grandpa said sure!
That night we had dinner at Texas Roadhouse, and the birthday boys were serenaded and Garrett sat in the saddle.
Wednesday night we had cake at Heather and Ed's house to celebrate again! By then Steph and Dan had also arrived.
Saturday we had a big family get together at Heather's. Since we are very rarely all together, I demanded pix!
Garrett and Joey are fish!
Our lovely hostess!
Mike and Donna, Steph and Dan with Honey Rose.
Samantha
Bobby Lemoine
Mike was feeding potato chips to the chickens!
Honey Rose, best dog!
It was such a nice day, all just visiting, people in and out of the pool. Lots of food, laughter, and some tears. All too soon the day was over, and Steph and Dan left for the hotel- they had a 6 a.m. flight Sunday. Manda, Ben and the kids came back to our house to organize and pack.
Sunday morning the kids curled up on the couch to watch a video before we went to lunch. They joined us at our weekly lunch with Frank and Charlotte, then left to get water ice one more time. They stopped at the cemetery to pay their respects to Joseph, as had Steph and Dan earlier in the week. Then they stopped here to use the bathroom and download videos for the kids for the plane.
Now everyone is at their homes, except for Steph who had to go directly to Denver for a meeting. The fort is down, the house is quiet again, and we're back to our routine of no routine. We miss them all so much, but they have their own lives to lead, and so do we. When the lives intersect, it's wonderful!
Happier times
Seven weeks have passed. One hour, one day, one week at a time. Joseph's dad is my little brother, and I can't fix this for him. As an older sister, as a nurse, as a sister in law, as an aunt, I want to fix things. And I can't fix this.
Damn, we miss you, Joseph. Rest in Peace.
Ralph and I had our DNA done a few years ago, just for fun and to see if there were any ethnic surprises. There weren't. Then a few months ago I was contacted via Ancestry by a few people that shared DNA with me.
When Joseph died, I needed a big distraction from grief. Crying wasn't productive, and wasn't helping. I got the idea to start a family tree so I could put him on it. I had a good start from information I'd gotten from my grandparents way back when Heather was little.
It's a rabbit hole! Every time you put a person on the tree, you get these little green leaves- hints. Those hints lead you to more people! I'm up to over 500 people, and back several generations from some branches!
I know that my mom's parents had split when she was really little. My grandmother dumped my mom with her grandmother when she was five, so that my grandmother could get together with another man and have five more kids. I knew that her father got together with another woman and had a bunch of kids- my mom would occasionally mention it, but she had no relationship with him or his second family.
Come to find out that mom's father lived one town over from us, and told his other children that mom was a cousin! The bastard never told them she was their sister! I've found this out from connecting with others of his grandchildren via Ancestry. Sounds like he and my grandmother were quite the pair, and not in a good way. They both abandoned my mom, did the right thing for her but for all the wrong reasons. She had a good childhood with her grandmother and step grandfather (who was also her uncle). But imagine knowing that neither of your parents wanted you to live with them. It left her with lifelong issues, that I understand so much better now, and my heart breaks for her.
Six weeks. It's not getting any easier. Rest in Peace, Joseph.
As we were waiting for the Coral Princess to leave Ketchikan, we were looking out from the balcony. See the steep winding road on the top pic? We were watching traffic on it. The bottom pic is a view from the Horizon Cafe.
Look closely in the top pix, those are clouds! The bottom pic is to the right of the clouds. Within a half hour, the fog had rolled totally in and the ship had to use the foghorn!
A couple of random pix of waterfalls winding thru the mountain right before we got to Juneau.
The dock agent came on the ship, carried our luggage and escorted us off the ship, drove us to US Customs, called us a ca and waited with us til the cab arrived!
Juneau airport is one terminal! The pic shows the whole airport! A snack bar is at the far end. And the view from the windows was spectacular! We had a 4 pm flight from Juneau to Sea Tac, then a layover til our flight left from Sea Tac, maybe a couple of hours.
An iPad like device was on the back of each seat. You could follow the plane in real time, or rent movies. I read, Ralph had his iPad and was listening to podcasts and music. I did sleep some. There was a little kid across from us who fussed off and on, and around 5 a.m. cried, "I want my bed!" Everyone in earshot was sympathetic. It was a 4.5 hour flight, across 3 time zones. It was around 7 a.m. EDT when we got to Philly. By the time we got our luggage and called for Rapid Rover, it was about 8.30, and we were home and sleeping by 9.30.
We slept til about one, grabbed some lunch and headed for Mike and Donna's. Hugged and cried with everyone, then left there to come home because Manda and Amary were arriving via Rapid Rover. We took them to IHOP to get something to eat, then back to Mike and Donna's. It was a long couple of days. Steph and Dan and John all arrived on Monday.
And that's the saga of our Alaska trip! Alaska will be there when we get around to going back, possibly next year.
